Everybody’s Doing It. Okay...And?

Peer pressure...

You are standing with a group of people and somebody says it.

“Come on. Everybody’s doing it.”

Maybe they want you to hit a vape.

Maybe they want you to skip class.

Maybe somebody is passing around answers to a test.

Maybe they want you to sneak somewhere you already know you are not supposed to be.

Maybe they want you to take something from a store because they think it would be funny.

Maybe someone pulls out a phone and says, “Post it!”

Maybe they want you to embarrass another girl, make fun of somebody, lie to your parents, change your clothes, change the way you talk, or pretend you like things you do not even like.

And there it is again.

“Everybody’s doing it.”

Okay...

And?

Seriously.

Since when did everybody else get to make decisions for you?

Everybody Is Not Actually Doing It

First, let’s clear something up.

When someone says “everybody is doing it,” there is a very good chance that everybody is absolutely NOT doing it.

Sometimes people say that because they want you to feel weird for saying no. If they can convince you that you are the only person who does not want to do something, you may start wondering if something is wrong with you.

Nothing is wrong with having your own mind.

Maybe five girls are vaping.

There could be fifty more who are not.

Maybe three people cheated on the test.

That does not mean the entire school cheated.

Maybe everyone in one group is making fun of somebody online.

That does not mean you have to join them.

People sometimes make their group seem bigger and more important than it really is because they want their choices to feel normal.

You do not need to prove that you are cool by making a decision you already know you will regret.

That is not confidence.

Confidence is being able to think, “You can do what you want, but I am not doing that.”

Peer Pressure Does Not Always Sound Like Pressure

Peer pressure is not always somebody standing in front of you yelling, “DO IT!”

Sometimes it sounds really casual.

“Just try it.”

“Your mom will never know.”

“Don’t be scared.”

“It’s not that serious.”

“We always do this.”

“Stop acting innocent.”

“Why are you being weird?”

“You’re the only one who doesn’t want to.”

Sometimes nobody even says anything.

You may simply look around, notice what everyone else is doing, and feel like you are supposed to copy them.

That is pressure too.

And it can be powerful because most people want to belong.

Wanting friends is normal.

Wanting to feel included is normal.

Wanting people to like you is normal.

But there is a huge difference between wanting to belong and giving up parts of yourself just so people will let you stand next to them.

The right people should not require you to become somebody else before you are allowed into the group.

What Happens After the Moment?

Here is a question that can save you from a lot of bad decisions.

What happens after this?

Not just in the next five minutes.

Think about tonight.

Tomorrow.

Next week.

What happens after you hit the vape because your friends were watching?

What happens after you skip class and the school calls home?

What happens after you cheat and your teacher realizes several students have the exact same answers?

What happens after you steal something and security stops you?

What happens after you post an embarrassing video of another girl and suddenly everyone is sharing screenshots?

What happens after you sneak out and something goes wrong?

The person who told you, “Everybody’s doing it,” might not be standing beside you when the consequences arrive.

That part matters.

A real friend does not encourage you to make a choice and then disappear when you get caught.

You are the person who will have to live with your decision.

That is why your opinion needs to matter more than the crowd.

Vaping Is Not Just a Cute Cloud

Let’s talk about vaping because sometimes it gets treated like it is no big deal.

The colors can look cute.

The flavors can sound harmless.

You may see people doing it online, outside school, at parties, or even in bathrooms.

That does not make it safe.

Nicotine can be addictive, and your body and brain are still developing. Something that starts as “just trying it” can turn into wanting it again and again.

You do not have to try something harmful just because someone else already decided to.

And you definitely do not need to prove that you are brave by putting something into your body that you do not want there.

Being brave can sound like this:

“No thanks.”

That is a complete sentence.

Cheating Can Cost More Than a Grade

Maybe you forgot to study.

Maybe your friend says, “Just copy mine.”

It can feel like an easy solution.

But cheating has a way of turning one bad decision into several problems.

Now you may have to lie about it.

You may worry about getting caught.

You may lose a teacher’s trust.

And most importantly, you miss the chance to figure out what you actually know and what you need help learning.

Getting a lower grade honestly is not the end of the world.

You can improve.

You can ask for help.

You can study differently next time.

A grade can change.

Your habits matter much longer.

Skipping Class Is Not Always the Adventure It Looks Like

Skipping class can sound exciting when somebody says, “Let’s go!”

But ask yourself why you are going.

Do you actually want to leave?

Or are you worried they will call you boring if you stay?

You do not have to damage your own opportunities so somebody else can think you are fun for an afternoon.

There are plenty of ways to have fun that do not require you to hide, lie, or spend the rest of the day worrying about getting caught.

You deserve friends who can have fun without constantly putting you in uncomfortable situations.

Stealing Is Not a Joke

Taking something from a store because your friends dared you is still stealing.

Taking someone else’s belongings because everybody thinks it is funny is still wrong.

Being in a group does not erase your responsibility.

Think about how quickly the mood can change.

Everybody is laughing one minute.

Then an employee notices.

A parent gets called.

Security becomes involved.

And suddenly the same people who were saying, “Do it, do it, do it,” are saying, “That wasn’t my idea.”

Do not let someone else turn your life into entertainment.

You are worth more than somebody’s dare.

Your Phone Can Turn Ten Seconds Into Ten Years

One of the hardest types of peer pressure today happens through a screen.

Someone trips.

Someone cries.

Someone gets angry.

Someone says something embarrassing.

Someone changes clothes.

Someone sends a private picture.

Someone makes a mistake.

And suddenly somebody says, “Post it.”

Stop.

A person’s embarrassing moment does not need to become content.

Before you post something, ask yourself one simple question:

Would I be okay if somebody posted this about me?

If the answer is no, that should tell you something.

Screenshots can last.

Videos can be saved.

Posts can be shared.

Even when something gets deleted, somebody else may already have it.

Being funny for thirty seconds is not worth humiliating another person.

Girl empowerment also means understanding that another girl does not have to be embarrassed for you to feel important.

We can laugh without being cruel.

We can have fun without hurting somebody.

We can be confident without tearing somebody else down.

Do You Still Recognize Yourself?

Peer pressure is not always about breaking rules.

Sometimes it slowly changes who you are.

Maybe your new friends hate something you love, so you pretend you hate it too.

Maybe you stop talking to an old friend because your group does not think she is cool enough.

Maybe you change the way you dress because somebody keeps commenting on your clothes.

Maybe you start being mean because the group thinks kindness is embarrassing.

Maybe you pretend not to care about school because everyone else acts like trying is lame.

Maybe you laugh at jokes that actually make you uncomfortable.

One little change may not seem important.

But eventually you may look at yourself and wonder, “When did I start acting like this?”

Growing up means changing.

That is normal.

But growing should help you discover more of who you are.

It should not require you to erase yourself.

Building confidence means learning to hear your own voice even when other voices are louder.

The Right Friends Can Handle the Word No

Pay attention to what happens when you say no.

A good friend might say, “Okay.”

That is it.

No speech.

No insult.

No punishment.

No making you feel guilty.

Someone does not have to agree with every decision you make to respect it.

But if someone gets angry every time you have a boundary, that is information.

If someone threatens to stop being your friend because you will not do something dangerous, dishonest, or uncomfortable, ask yourself what kind of friendship requires that price.

You should be able to be seen, heard, supported, and celebrated without constantly proving yourself.

That is the kind of positive space girls deserve.

You Do Not Need a Huge Speech

Sometimes girls know they want to say no but worry about what to say next.

Good news.

You do not need to give a twenty minute explanation.

You do not need PowerPoint slides.

You do not need three witnesses and a closing argument.

You can just leave.

Seriously.

Your exit can be short.

Your safety is more important than whether someone thinks your excuse was cool.

And that brings us to...

Pick Your Exit Line

Imagine someone is pressuring you. Which exit line are you choosing?

Exit Line 1

“My mom would find out before I even got home. I’m good.”

Simple. Believable. Effective.

Exit Line 2

“Nope. I like my life peaceful.”

Sometimes peace is the flex.

Exit Line 3

“You can. I’m not.”

No argument. No insult. Just a decision.

Exit Line 4

“I already have enough problems. I’m not adding this one.”

A little funny. Very reasonable.

Exit Line 5

“Absolutely not. I enjoy having phone privileges.”

Parents everywhere just smiled.

Exit Line 6

“I’m going to pass, but y’all be safe.”

You do not have to become the group police officer. You can simply remove yourself.

Exit Line 7

“My future self just texted me and said no.”

Funny, but also kind of true.

Exit Line 8

“I don’t want to.”

Do not underestimate this one.

You do not always need an excuse.

Not wanting to do something is enough.

Exit Line 9

“Wait. My mom is calling.”

Is she actually calling?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

We are discussing exits here.

Exit Line 10

“Nah. That’s not me.”

Short. Clear. Finished.

What If They Laugh at You?

They might.

Let’s be truthful.

Sometimes doing the right thing does not immediately get applause.

Someone may call you boring.

Someone may roll their eyes.

Someone may laugh.

Someone may say you are scared.

Let them.

Being laughed at for five minutes is better than regretting a decision for five months.

And something interesting often happens when one person is brave enough to say no.

Someone else who was uncomfortable may suddenly feel brave enough to say no too.

You may think you are the only one.

You probably are not.

Confidence can spread just like pressure can.

Know When to Get an Adult

There are situations you should not try to handle alone.

If someone is threatening you, pressuring you sexually, asking you to send private pictures, threatening to share something about you, offering you drugs, encouraging dangerous behavior, talking about hurting someone, or making you feel unsafe, tell a trusted adult.

That might be a parent, grandparent, caregiver, teacher, counselor, coach, aunt, uncle, or another adult you trust.

Asking for help is not being dramatic.

It is using good judgment.

And if you made a mistake already, you can still ask for help.

One bad decision does not mean you need to keep making bad decisions to hide the first one.

Tell the truth.

Get help.

Make it right where you can.

Learn.

Move forward.

A Note for the Girl Who Really Wants to Fit In

Maybe this entire article feels easier said than done because you really want these people to like you.

We understand.

Middle school and the early teen years can feel like everybody is watching everybody.

What you wear matters.

Who you sit with matters.

Who follows you matters.

Who texts you matters.

At least it can feel that way.

But the people who seem incredibly important today may not be part of your life forever.

You, however, will always have to live with yourself.

Protect that relationship.

Your confidence.

Your character.

Your goals.

Your peace.

Your future.

Those things deserve protection.

At Hey Doll!, we believe girls ages 10 to 15 deserve encouragement that helps them grow into confident young women who know their worth. Whether we are talking about self care, confidence building activities, positive friendships, or confidence building gifts for tween girls, the message underneath it all is the same.

You matter.

Your voice matters.

Your choices matter.

You do not have to follow everybody else to belong.

You do not need to shrink yourself, change yourself, hurt yourself, or hurt someone else to earn a spot in a group.

And the next time somebody looks at you and says...

“Everybody’s doing it.”

You already know the answer.

Okay...and?

Because everybody else gets to make their choices.

And you get to make yours.

That is confidence.

That is courage.

And that is a girl learning exactly how powerful her own voice can be. #HeyDollstrong