Your Circle Is Changing You...The Question Is: Into Who?

Quick question.

Have you ever been around a certain group of people and suddenly noticed that you act completely different?

Maybe you are louder.

Maybe you start using words you normally would not use.

Maybe you are making fun of somebody even though you secretly feel bad about it.

Maybe you keep checking around to make sure nobody you know sees what you are doing.

Or maybe you have started thinking things like:

My mom would be so mad if she knew.

I probably should not be doing this.

I do not really want to, but everybody else is.

If I say no, they are going to think I am boring.

Sound familiar?

Here is something nobody talks about enough.

The wrong crowd does not always look like the wrong crowd.

Your friends do not have to be the so called bad kids at school to pull you away from yourself.

Sometimes they are funny.

Sometimes they are popular.

Sometimes they get good grades.

Sometimes everybody likes them.

Sometimes they are the people you have known forever.

But the better question is not:

Are these people bad?

The better question is:

Who am I becoming when I am around them?

That answer can tell you a lot.

Your Friends Have More Influence Than You Think

Think about the person you spend the most time with.

Have you ever caught yourself saying one of their favorite phrases?

Started liking an artist because they played the music all the time?

Started watching a show because everybody in your group talked about it?

Maybe you suddenly want the same shoes, hairstyle, lip gloss, bag, or phone case.

That is normal.

People influence each other.

But influence is not only about music and clothes.

It can also affect how you talk to people, how you treat yourself, what you think is funny,

what rules you are willing to break, and how far you are willing to go just to feel included.

That is why your circle matters.

You are not supposed to become a copy of your friends.

You should still recognize yourself.

Quick Check

Think about your closest friend group and answer these honestly.

No one is grading you.

When I am around my friends, I usually feel:

A. Comfortable being myself

B. Like I have to perform a little

C. Like I have to constantly prove that I belong

When my friends want to do something I do not want to do:

A. I can say no and nobody makes it weird

B. They tease me, but eventually let it go

C. They keep pushing until I give in

After spending time with my friends, I usually feel:

A. Happy and relaxed

B. Drained or annoyed sometimes

C. Nervous about something we did or said

If you picked mostly A, great.

If you picked some B answers, pay attention.

If you picked mostly C, your circle may deserve a closer look.

Not because everyone in it is automatically terrible.

Because you deserve friendships where you do not have to betray yourself to belong.

The Laugh You Did Not Mean

Imagine this.

A girl in your class walks past your table.

One of your friends says something mean about her clothes.

Everybody laughs.

You do not actually think it is funny.

But everybody is looking at you.

So you laugh too.

Then someone adds something worse.

This time, you add a joke.

Everybody cracks up.

For about five seconds, you feel included.

Later that night, you think about it.

And you feel terrible.

That feeling matters.

It is your inner voice reminding you:

That was not really me.

Everybody makes mistakes.

The problem comes when you keep ignoring that voice because being accepted feels more important.

Are You Changing How You Talk?

There is nothing wrong with having inside jokes or talking differently with friends.

But notice when you start becoming disrespectful just because everybody else is.

Maybe you suddenly talk badly to your parents.

Maybe you start calling people names.

Maybe you act rude toward teachers because your friends think it is funny.

Maybe you say cruel things about girls online that you would never say to their faces.

Ask yourself:

Would I be embarrassed if someone recorded me right now and played it for someone I respect?

That question can tell you a lot.

The Secret Test

Everybody deserves some privacy.

Privacy and secrecy are not always the same thing.

Privacy can sound like:

This is personal and I am not ready to talk about it.

Secrecy can sound like:

I have to hide this because I know something about it is wrong.

Think about your friendships.

Are you suddenly deleting messages because you are afraid your parents might see them?

Are you lying about where you are going?

Have you started changing stories depending on who is asking?

Are your friends constantly saying:

Do not tell your mom.

Delete that message.

Just lie.

Nobody has to know.

That does not automatically mean your friends are horrible people.

It does mean you should stop and ask why being part of the group requires so much hiding.

Healthy friendships should not turn your entire life into a secret mission.

Would You Still Do It Alone?

Here is one of the easiest ways to spot pressure.

Ask yourself:

If nobody else were here, would I still do this?

Would you send that mean message?

Would you skip class?

Would you steal something small from the store?

Would you make that prank call?

Would you post that embarrassing photo of someone?

Would you sneak out?

Would you make fun of that girl?

Would you break that rule?

If the answer is no, then you may not actually want to do it.

You may want the approval that comes from doing it.

Those are two different things.

The Famous Four Words

There are four words that have gotten a lot of people into situations they never planned to be in.

Everybody else is doing it.

Here is the problem.

Everybody is usually not doing it.

It just feels that way when everybody around you is.

If your whole group thinks something is normal, eventually you might stop questioning it.

That is why choosing your circle matters.

The people around you can make good choices feel normal too.

Imagine having friends who say:

Nope. We are not doing that.

Leave her alone.

That is going too far.

Your mom said no. Girl, go home before you get grounded.

Now that is a friend.

A good friend does not only help you have fun.

A good friend can help keep you from making decisions Future You has to clean up.

Mini Game: What Would You Do?

Choose your answer before reading the response.

Scenario One

Your friends create a group chat to make fun of another girl at school. Someone tells you to send a picture you took of her.

Do you:

A. Send it because you do not want them turning on you

B. Stay quiet and pretend you did not see the message

C. Say you are not doing that and keep the picture to yourself

C is the strongest choice.

And guess what?

You do not have to give a giant speech.

Sometimes protecting your values sounds like:

Nah, leave me out of that.

Done.

Scenario Two

Your friend tells you to lie to your parent about where you are going.

Do you:

A. Lie because you do not want to miss out

B. Tell your parent where you are actually going

C. Decide not to go if you have to lie about it

B or C may make sense depending on the situation.

But if the fun only works when you lie to everyone who cares about you, that is worth noticing.

Scenario Three

Your friends are making fun of you because you do not want to do something.

Someone says:

Wow, you are scared.

What do you say?

Try one of these:

Maybe I am. I am still not doing it.

Call it whatever you want. My answer is no.

You go ahead. I am good.

Confidence does not always sound dramatic.

Sometimes confidence is simply not changing your answer.

More Like Me / Less Like Me Circle Check

Now for the real activity.

Grab a piece of paper, your notes app, or even the back of some homework you probably should be doing.

Write:

MORE LIKE ME

on one side.

Write:

LESS LIKE ME

on the other.

Now think about the people you spend the most time with.

Do not write names if you do not want to.

You can use initials.

For each friendship, ask:

When I am around this person, do I feel more confident?

If yes, More Like Me.

Can I say no without being embarrassed?

More Like Me.

Do they celebrate good things happening for me?

More Like Me.

Can I be weird, silly, quiet, excited, or completely myself?

More Like Me.

Now look at the other side.

Do I get into trouble more often around this person?

Less Like Me.

Do I become meaner around them?

Less Like Me.

Do I hide a lot of things because of this friendship?

Less Like Me.

Do I feel like I am constantly proving myself?

Less Like Me.

Do I leave conversations feeling bad about myself?

Less Like Me.

Do they pressure me to do things after I already said no?

Definitely Less Like Me.

Now look at your paper.

This is not about deciding who is good and who is bad.

It is about noticing patterns.

Sometimes a friend can have things on both sides.

People are complicated.

The question is whether the friendship is helping you grow or making you shrink.

Wait...Do I Have to Stop Being Friends With Them?

Not necessarily.

Every friendship problem does not need a dramatic ending.

You do not have to send a ten paragraph text saying:

Our friendship journey has officially come to an end.

Please do not.

Sometimes the first step is simply changing how much influence someone has over you.

You can spend less time in certain situations.

You can stop joining conversations that make you uncomfortable.

You can say no more often.

You can make other friends.

You can stop explaining every decision.

And yes, sometimes you may realize that a friendship really does need to end.

That can hurt.

Missing someone does not always mean they were good for you.

Friendship Should Not Feel Like an Audition

You should not have to constantly earn your place.

You should not have to dress a certain way.

Talk a certain way.

Make fun of certain people.

Share secrets.

Break rules.

Buy certain things.

Date someone.

Post certain pictures.

Or become somebody you are not.

If your friendship feels like an audition where you are constantly trying to prove you deserve to stay, ask yourself why.

Real friendship has room for differences.

Your friend can love something you hate.

You can be outgoing while your friend is quiet.

You can have different styles.

Different interests.

Different goals.

Different rules at home.

You can even disagree.

That is normal.

Try the 24 Hour Challenge

For the next 24 hours, notice yourself around different people.

Do not change anything yet.

Just observe.

Ask:

Who makes me laugh without making someone else the joke?

Who listens when I say no?

Who encourages me?

Who leaves me feeling stressed?

Who makes me feel like I need to act cooler, tougher, meaner, or older than I really am?

Who makes me feel safe being exactly who I am?

You might be surprised by what you notice.

You Are Allowed to Outgrow People

Sometimes friendships change.

That does not mean the friendship was fake.

Maybe you were perfect friends in elementary school.

Maybe you were inseparable last year.

Maybe you have known each other since you were five.

But now things feel different.

Growing up sometimes means realizing that someone who fit into your life before may not fit the same way now.

That can be sad.

It can also be okay.

You are allowed to grow.

You are allowed to change.

And you are allowed to choose peace over popularity.

One Last Question

Picture yourself one year from now.

Not twenty years from now.

Just one.

What kind of girl do you want to be?

Confident?

Kind?

Brave?

Funny?

Creative?

Smart?

Independent?

Peaceful?

A good friend?

Someone people can trust?

Now ask:

Are the people around me helping me become her?

That may be the most important circle check of all.

The right friends will not make every decision for you.

They will not be perfect.

You will still disagree sometimes.

You might even get on each other's nerves.

But you should be able to look at yourself and recognize the person staring back.

At Hey Doll, we believe growing up should be about discovering who you are, not changing yourself just to fit into somebody else's version of cool.

Our mentoring boxes for girls ages 10 to 15 are designed to make confidence, friendship,

self worth, growing up, and real life conversations feel fun and relatable. Whether parents are searching for the best subscription box for girls ages 10 to 15, gifts for girls, gifts for teenage girls, or an empowering gift for a girl, the most meaningful gift will always remind her that who she is matters.

Your circle is changing you.

Everybody's circle does.

So every once in a while, look around and ask yourself:

Am I becoming more like me...or less like me?

And if you do not love the answer?

You are always allowed to choose a different direction. #HeyDollstrong